


68 Moons

by sturfadurf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mild Angst, Pureblood Culture, Slow Burn, The Prank, Wolfstar Hurt Fest 2020, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25962367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sturfadurf/pseuds/sturfadurf
Summary: A collection of drabbles (loosely termed lol) documenting the 68 full moons that occur during the school months at Hogwarts.Goes through all of the major plot points and contains slow burn wolfstar. Told in Sirius’ POV.((Prompt 14: WSHurtFest2020: Remus confessing to the Marauders that he’s a werewolf, fully expecting them to hate him.)) <-I really ran away with this and ended up writing a TOME. But thank you for giving me a reason to delve into the Marauder Years!!
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53
Collections: Wolfstar Hurt Fest





	68 Moons

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy! I made the whole thing one chapter because I've never put multiple chapters in a collection before and I got anxious that it wouldn't work properly so, um, here's 20,000 words of slowburn wolfstar and everything in between for you all. <3

###  **First Year (1971-1972)**

**Full Moon: Sunday, September 5 (4:03AM UTC)**

_ Sunday, September 5 (3:03AM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“Pickles...”

Sirius snapped his head up from the desk and squinted at Peter in the dim candlelight of the common room. 

“That’s not the answer.”

“I know, I dropped my quill.”

“Oh.”

James groaned loudly from where he was lying on the floor of the common room. “We’re not going to survive school, guys. It’s been a week and we are already pulling an all nighter.”

He gave a shuddering yawn. “I hate school.” 

“How’d Remus get this done already?” Peter emerged from under the table with his quill.

“Don’t think he did. He’s not in bed.”

Peter sniffed. “Maybe he’s in the library then.”

**Full Moon: Monday, October 4 (12:20PM)**

_ Monday, October 4 (8:32AM): Gryffindor first year dorm _

Remus stood awkwardly in the doorway of the dorm, gripping a small travel bag. James wandered in behind him, eyeing his traveling cloak.

“Had enough of school? Can I join?”

“My mother’s ill,” Remus said hesitantly. “I’m going home for a few days.” 

James withdrew, looking embarrassed. “Oh, sorry. Hope she’s better.”

“T-thanks.”

They fell into uncomfortable silence. Sirius picked at a chip on his dresser. He never liked talking about parents if he could help it.

“I’m off then.”

“Bye.”

**Full Moon: Tuesday, November 2 (9:20PM)**

_ Wednesday, November 3 (8:46AM): Transfiguration Class _

Sirius elbowed Remus in the ribs, and the boy jolted awake, just as Professor McGonagall passed their worktable. Remus stifled a yawn, and winced.

“You’re going to get detention at this rate,” Sirius hissed. “You study too much.”

“That’s a conundrum,” muttered Remus, rubbing his eyes. “If I study, I get detention?”

He winced again.

“Why do you keep wincing?”

“Crick in my neck.”

“Oh. Well...if you slept in a bed and not on a textbook...”

Remus rolled his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, but winced again.

**Full Moon: Thursday, December 2 (7:48AM)**

_ Thursday, December 2 (9:14PM): Gryffindor first year dorm _

“She has a chronic disease; I can’t control when she gets sick,” Remus muttered lamely, as he started unpacking his traveling bag. “She’s a Muggle, she can’t be cured so easily.”

James crossed his arms. “I’m not blaming you or anything, it just sucks you had to miss school so suddenly again.”

Remus sighed. Sirius noticed he was moving rather slowly and carefully, like he was hiding a limp. 

“Did I miss anything?”

James flopped onto his bed. “Nah, Professor Binns fell asleep in class though. You two must be related.”

Remus laughed hollowly as he closed his bed curtains to change into pajamas.

“Shake me awake tomorrow will you? I don’t want that to be my reputation.”

**Blue Moon: Friday, Dec 31 (8:19PM)**

_ Friday, Dec 31 (8:19PM): Grimmauld Place _

The Black family was too sophisticated to show disdain for their son in public. He broke the long line of pureblood Slytherin wizards. Their disappointment therefore was palpable. His father would occasionally point out, however, that being Gryffindor was better than being a Hufflepuff. And at least he had aligned himself with the Potters, a well known pureblood family. Sirius should be thankful for that, even if the Potters were borderline blood traitors. Sirius hated hearing that. It made him want to stop being James’ friend, and then he hated himself for thinking that. And then he thought about how his parents would hate him for being friends with Remus, whose mother was a Muggle. And wonder who on earth was Peter, and why Sirius should care at all about him. His hands hurt, and he realized he had balled them up into tight fists.

_ Three days. _ He thought, curled up in his bed.  _ Only three more days. _

**Total Lunar Eclipse: Sunday, Jan 30 (10:57AM)**

_ Sunday, Jan 30 (11:01PM): Gryffindor first year dorm _

He could see visible bruising on Remus’ arm as the boy arrived from his parents again. Remus held his arm gingerly as he slipped into his pajamas, and Sirius felt his stomach roiling, a deep seated personal fury making its way up his esophagus. He quickly turned away, slamming his trunk closed.

“You okay?”

Remus appeared behind him, his face pale. Sirius glared at him.

“I’m fine. You’re not.”

“I...fell. It’s icy.”

“Well, fine.” Sirius said heatedly. He stood up to leave. “You’re not very convincing, you know.”

Remus, somehow, went paler.

**Full Moon: Tuesday, Feb 29 (3:11AM)**

_ Tuesday, Feb 29 (2:02AM): Gryffindor first year dorm _

It was two in the morning and Sirius still couldn’t sleep. He was laying in bed in somewhat of a trance when he heard the sound of a curtain being drawn. He peeked around his own curtain to find Remus slipping on his shoes.

“Where’you going?”

Remus froze. He was shaking.

“My mum…”

Sirius scoffed despite himself.

“They’re picking you up at…” he squinted at the nightstand clock. “Two in the morning?”

Remus stood very suddenly. “You know you can be really nosy sometimes,” he said rather aggressively. Sirius felt a moment of panic.

“I don’t think you should go,” he blurted, his voice breaking above a whisper. Remus ignored him and continued to prepare himself to leave. Sirius swung out of bed.

“I’m serious. Every time you come back you’re all…” he struggled for a second, “...hurt. I’m sorry, I just...notice these things.”

Remus looked very tense. For a second, he looked as if he were about to reply, but then he grabbed his cloak and stumbled out of the dorm.

**Full Moon: Wednesday, March 29 (8:04PM)**

_ Wednesday, March 29 (7:00PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“I’ll lay off Snape if he lays off first,” said James defensively as he and Sirius entered the Gryffindor common room.

“Yeah, McGonagall was out of line,” agreed Sirius. He started heading up to the dorm when Remus appeared, looking as if he was ready to head out.

“Where’re you going?”

Remus shot him a look, and Sirius was reminded of their argument last month.  _ You can be really nosy sometimes _ . 

Sirius held up his hands. “Never mind. Go visit your mum, or whatever.”

James watched as Remus left the common room, his arms crossed. He waited until the Fat Lady’s portrait was properly closed before turning to Sirius.

“Am I a terrible person for thinking that maybe he’s lying about his mum being sick?”

**Full Moon: Friday, April 28 (12:44PM)**

_ Saturday, April 29 (1:00PM): Gryffindor First Year Dorm _

Remus was still sleeping after returning from wherever he was the day before. Sirius padded into the room to grab his Charms textbook, and noticed the curtains to Remus’ bed were slightly open. He could see the boy’s head on his pillow, in a sleep so deep it had to be from complete exhaustion. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked pale and drawn. 

Sirius had a sudden thought. Was Remus suffering the same illness as his mother? James’ disbelief nagged Sirius’ mind. But why would Remus lie about something like that? He yanked his textbook out of his bookbag. Of course, if Remus  _ was _ visiting his mother, was she the reason for his bruises and sprains? Blackness pooled in Sirius’ mind and he fought off the urge to smash something. Remus snored quietly. 

**Full Moon: Sunday, May 28 (5:27AM)**

_ Monday, May 29 (8:50AM): Transfiguration Classroom _

“Why would Remus spend all that time studying with us just to skive off the exam?” James asked, sounding personally offended. Peter looked concerned.

“Hope he’s okay…”

Seconds before the exam started, however, Remus entered the classroom, out of breath. He dove for the first empty desk and fumbled for a quill. Sirius leaned over the back of his own desk to get Remus’ attention.

“Where the hell were you?” He whispered urgently as Professor McGonagall began handing out the tests.

Remus looked at Sirius distractedly but didn’t answer. With a jolt, Sirius noticed some dried blood against Remus’ temple, and he pointed to it. Remus hastily rubbed it off just as Professor McGonagall called for the exam to begin.

_ Monday, May 29 (11:50AM): Great Hall _

“I don’t feel well, I think I’ll just go back to the dorm,” muttered Remus after their exam was over. He looked green as he watched James and Peter charge towards the Great Hall to eat lunch.

“But we have Potions at one, Reme, if you take a nap you won’t wake up.” Sirius urged.

Remus suddenly buckled, and sat down hard on the ground, his energy giving out completely. He looked ready to cry.

“I can’t do this,” he choked. “I’m so bloody tired...all the time…”

Sirius stared at him, unsure of what to do.

“Um…” His throat was dry. Remus held his head in his hands and rocked back and forth, trying to get his breathing under control. “Want me to tell Slughorn you’re sick?”

Remus gripped his hair as he looked up at Sirius. “He said I can’t use it as an excuse. He’ll fail me anyway. I have to do the exam.” 

Sirius looked at him blankly. “It?”

Remus picked himself off the floor, looking panic stricken, and started off towards the Gryffindor Tower.

###  **Second Year (1972-1973)**

AN: The year of the #confrontation, and me trying to discover their individual personalities a bit

**Full Moon: Saturday, September 23 (4:08AM)**

_ Saturday, September 23 (3:10 AM) Hogwarts Front Hall _

Sirius and James shivered under James’ Invisibility Cloak at the bottom of the stairs, their ears and eyes straining in the dark for any glimpse of where Remus might have gone. The castle creaked and gurgled around them.

After a minute Sirius clicked his tongue. “Pretty sure he’s long gone. Let’s get back, I’m freezing.” 

“But his  _ mum… _ ” James began in a sarcastic manner.

Sirius snorted. “I don’t buy it.”

“I know. I did at first though,” admitted James. The two clambered awkwardly back up the stairs. 

“Have you noticed?” Sirius looked sideways at James. “He’s all bruised and stuff when he comes back?”

James looked very serious. “Yeah. Wasn’t going to mention it though, you know?”

“I did,” admitted Sirius. “He got mad at me and told me I was being nosy.”

“You think he’s in trouble or something?”

Sirius’ heart quickened. “I dunno. Something’s not right though.”

**Full Moon: Sunday, October 22 (1:26PM)**

_ Sunday, October 22 (1:30PM) Library _

“Ha, yeah, Peter, because that makes sense.”

Peter’s brows furrowed. “Makes more sense than your theory.”

“Oh, really?” James crossed his arms. “Then why is he sometimes gone during the day?”

Peter shrugged. “Full moons always happen at the same time all over the world.”

“No they don’t,” argued James. “They only happen at night, when the sun goes down.”

“Hold on,” interjected Sirius, and a minute later he came back to his two friends with a full lunar chart. “Okay...when’s the full moon…”

The three friends mulled over the chart for a second, then Peter stabbed a section with his finger.

“There. See? Full moon, Sunday, October 22 at 1:26PM UTC. So it’s happening right now. And Remus isn’t here, is he?”

James’ mouth dropped.

**Full Moon: Monday, November 20 (11:07PM)**

_ Monday, November 20 (4:30PM) Charms class _

“There’s no way he could be though,” James insisted yet again. “Where would he even go? I mean, it’s basically impossible to contain one of those things. They smell blood; they go berserk!”

“I dunno, maybe the Forbidden Forest?” Sirius whispered. He watched Remus hunch over his notes a couple desks in front. James grimaced.

“We hang out on the grounds all the time. That’d be so dangerous…”

“Did you want to follow him again tonight?”

James shook his head a bit violently. “Not if he’s a you-know-what, I don’t.”

Sirius frowned at James. “We don’t even know if we’re right yet.”

“And if we are? That’s too big of a secret to keep from your roommates, Sirius. We’re all the first to go if he forgets one night. It’s hard to sleep on that you know?”

**Full Moon: Wednesday, December 20 (9:45AM)**

_ Wednesday, December 20 (7:00AM) Hogwarts Front Hall _

As the boys suspected, Remus looked very ill that morning. He didn’t speak to them as they got dressed, and he lagged behind them on the way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius stopped on the stairs to wait for him.

“I can give you my notes so you can be ready for the midterms tomorrow if you want,” he said, trying not to sound overly concerned. “Um, you should probably just go back to bed.”

Remus gripped the banister, but didn’t say anything. He was avoiding Sirius’ eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sirius said sternly. “Just go back to bed.”

Remus looked completely defeated, but he didn’t move. Sirius shrugged and turned around.

“Suit yourself. You’ll just fall asleep in class anyway.”

He reached the bottom of the stairs and when he turned around, Remus had gone. 

**Penumbral Lunar Eclipse: Thursday, January 18 (9:28PM)**

_ Thursday, January 18 (10:20PM) Gryffindor second year dorm _

“I think he knows we know,” said James in a low voice. “Peter was right, everything’s adding up, you know? Do you think we should tell him we know?”

Sirius twirled his quill around his fingers, absentmindedly flinging blotches of ink onto the floor as he did so.

“Maybe. Do you think the teachers know?”

“They must. They’re never perturbed by his missing classes. Remember McGonagall that one time? She gave Wills detention for forgetting his homework, and gave Remus a biscuit for forgetting his…”

“Yeah,” said Sirius, half listening. He glanced at the window. The moon was definitely full. Remus was nowhere to be found. It couldn’t be a coincidence anymore.

**Full Moon: Saturday, February 17 (10:06AM)**

_ Saturday, February 17 (9:55AM): Gryffindor second year dorm _

Remus was still sleeping, albeit fitfully. Sirius and Peter stood over his bed, watching him warily. James paced the floor anxiously, checking his watch.

“Okay, we should  _ really _ wake him now.”

“Maybe I was wrong,” said Peter quietly. “Maybe he isn’t….”

“ _ But why are we waiting to find out??”  _ James hissed frantically.

Sirius grabbed Remus’ shoulder and shook him. 

“Reme, wake up, it’s late…”

Startled, Remus sat up, banging his head on the canopy.

“What? Did I miss class?”

“Uh, no, it’s Saturday, but...”

“Oh.” Momentary relief passed over Remus’ face, followed by mild concern. He glanced surreptitiously at the wall clock. Terror blanched his face. He flew out of bed and bolted out of the dorm barefoot.

“Yeah,” said James shakily. He was sweating. “I think that was proof enough.”

_ Saturday, February 17 (10:30AM) _

“We could have died...we could have died…” stammered James, still pacing up and down in almost the exact same spot from an hour previous. Sirius dragged his hand through his hair, his palms still sweaty.

“Ok, but we didn’t, you gotta sit down for a second James…”

“He shoulda told us,” James croaked. “I told you that might happen, if we hadn’t suspected, we’d be dead.”

“I know, you’ve only said so a thousand times,” groaned Sirius. He glanced at Peter, who had been very quiet. The boy had his knees up to his chest.

“My mum told me horrible stories about werewolves,” Peter muttered. “I didn’t want to believe that’s what Reme could be.”

“You’re the one who suspected him first, though,” said James. He paused, suspicious. “Was it just the full moon thing, or was it something else?”

“It was just obvious he was hiding something.” Peter shrugged. “Something big. Something that took a lot of effort to hide. I mean...wouldn’t you want the support of your friends if your mum was ill?”

_ Saturday, February 17 (2:12PM) _

Sirius felt hurt. He could finally admit that to himself after James and Peter left the room. James had marched to the Quidditch field to relieve some excess adrenaline; Peter trailed along with him. Both were intent on still talking about Remus, but Sirius had had enough.

Remus was not only a roommate, but a friend. And as James rightly said, friends don’t keep secrets like that. It meant Remus didn’t trust them, even after all this time. A year and a half of late nights studying together, practicing spells, brewing potions, making snide comments about less agreeable teachers, joking about Sirius’ horrible cousins and making grand plans on how to make them regret ever bullying Sirius. Talking too much during class and getting detentions. That’s what friends do.

Sirius had opened up about how terrible his family was. He probably shouldn’t have expected Remus to do the same. But that’s what friends do. So what does that mean? That he isn’t much of a friend?

_ Saturday, February 17 (9:40PM) _

“I think he’s avoiding us,” said Peter sadly. “It’d all be over by now, right?”

James leaned against the window in his pajamas.

“I liked him,” he mumbled, more to himself than the others.

“Me too,” agreed Peter, his tone still morose.

Sirius looked at the two of them. “Since when did we have to stop liking him?”

James looked a bit embarrassed. “I dunno, that’s not what I meant. I mean, if he still wants to be friends…”

“That’s not on him, that’s on us,” Sirius replied stiffly. “We should probably figure that out before he comes back.”

They were all quiet for a while. Peter took off his tie and dangled it over the edge of his bed.

“We’re Gryffindors, right? James, you keep going on about what it takes to be a true Gryffindor.” 

“Bravery,” said James automatically.

“Right.”

“So...we should be brave about this.”

“Friends, then?”

“Yeah, friends.”

Sirius sniffed. “Good.” 

_ Sunday, February 18 (2:02AM) _

The dorm room door finally creaked open and Remus slowly shuffled into the room, freezing when he saw the candles were still burning. Sirius leaned forward in his bed, having been designated by the others to confront Remus.

“We figured it out, Remus. You don’t have to hide it from us anymore.”

Remus slumped against the door. No one said anything for what felt like hours. Finally, Remus spoke, his head down, his voice barely above a hoarse whisper.

“Dumbledore knows. Most of the teachers know. I’m not living a complete lie being here.”

He swallowed.

“But I’m sorry I never told you.”

“That’s fine,” said Peter a little too quickly. 

“You...didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

The boys shook their heads. Remus still looked terrified.

“I was the one who figured it out. Couple months ago.” said Peter unnecessarily. Remus’ eyes flickered towards him, and Peter grew red. “Sorry.”

_ Sunday, February 18 (8:00AM) _

None of the boys really slept that night. Remus had insisted he sleep in the Common Room to help the others feel safer, but Sirius shut the idea down, saying it was daft. Then Remus had stated he would talk to Professor McGonagall about long term sleeping arrangements so he wouldn’t put them in danger again, but again, Sirius shut it down. They all eventually went to bed, stuck in their own thoughts. There were so many unanswered questions hanging in the air, but no one had been brave enough to ask them. Remus had cried quietly all night. Sirius had heard James tossing and turning. No sound from Peter but the occasional sniff or sigh. So when it was morning, no one wanted to get up first to start the day. Too much had changed, and by not getting up, they could keep the facade of normalcy for at least another minute.

_ Sunday, February 18 (11:23AM) _

It took him nearly four hours to work up the courage. But finally, Sirius slipped out of bed, and padded over to Remus’. He didn’t try opening the curtains; he didn’t want to scare Remus. He sat down on the floor, legs drawn up to his chin, and listened for a moment. By the rhythm of Remus’ breathing, he could tell his friend was probably still awake. 

“You can trust me,” Sirius muttered quietly to the closed curtains. “You can trust all of us, Reme.”

He had been mulling over what to say all night; and those were choice words. He wanted to say more, but his heart stuck in his throat. He was never good at feeling. His parents always considered him far too emotional. But he didn’t blame Remus for crying all night. He didn’t blame the others for being awkward about the whole thing. He shouldn’t blame himself for wanting a friend to know he had his back. So he simply sat, hoping Remus could tell his presence was still there. Remus’ breathing was a bit more harried, and Sirius couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing. After another minute, he returned to his own bed, wiping his nose as he went.

**Full Moon: Sunday, March 18 (11:32PM)**

_ Sunday, March 18 (9:30PM): Hogwarts _

Sirius felt like he was walking on eggshells. For lack of a better word, Remus had been...emotionally jumpy the last month. It was obvious why. After the initial shock of it all, he, James, and Peter all had thousands of questions. At first Remus answered a few (How old were you? Five. Where do you transform? There’s an abandoned house Dumbledore set up for me to use. What does it feel like? (Remus couldn’t answer that one, even after Peter started listing various grisly examples for comparison)), but it made him restless, and Sirius could tell he eventually dreaded being alone with the three of them. No matter how hard they tried, the conversation always eventually revolved around Remus and his condition.

So when it was time for him to leave for the next transformation, naturally, he slipped away without preamble.

**Full Moon: Tuesday, April 17 (1:49PM)**

_ Tuesday, April 17 (1:15PM): Hogwarts Corridors _

“You didn’t have to leave class early with me,” mumbled Remus as Sirius caught up with him in the corridor. Sirius shrugged.

“Flitwick wasn’t saying anything interesting,” he explained. He walked a bit with Remus, eyeing his friend curiously. He knew the full moon was less than an hour away, and he’d been reading up on lycanthropy. Apparently there were various subtle visual distinctions that could be seen leading up to the full moon. Slightly amber eyes, the cursed scars growing red and inflamed, a shadow of something occasionally flitting across the face as the wolf lurked right underneath…

“Why are you staring at me?” 

Sirius blinked. Remus was watching him.

“Sorry...it’s just…” he paused. “Isn’t it crazy to you that you aren’t going to be yourself in less than an hour? That has to be pretty scary.”

Remus knit his eyebrows. “Don’t pity me. And  _ don’t _ just be my friend because I’m suddenly so interesting to you.”

His words were a blow to Sirius’ stomach.

“Remus, we’re your friends because you’re fun to hang around.”

Remus turned a bit pink despite his annoyance. “Okay. Good.”

**Thursday, May 17 (4:57AM)**

_ Thursday, May 16 (10:30PM): The Shack _

“And this is it,” said Remus, gesturing around him. “I’ve been using this place since my first day.”

Sirius glanced around him, taking in the rickety wooden house he had just entered from the tunnel. Broken furniture lay strewn about, and several walls looked like they were being held up purely by magic and willpower.

“Sorry about the mess,” Remus apologized, grabbing an armchair and standing it up. “But it’s better than having only myself to attack.”

Sirius remembered the bruising and scratches, and his heart swelled with pity again.  _ Don’t pity me. _ He watched Remus sit down.

“This place has worked quite well for me actually,” Remus continued. “I just come here about an hour beforehand, and...wait.”

“Until it hits?” said James in a strange voice. He looked uncomfortable. Remus nodded and closed his eyes.

“Until it hits.”

###  **Third Year (1973-1974)**

AN: The year in which there is an OC DADA teacher! xD And Regulus appears and some Black family drama!

**Full Moon: Wednesday, September 12 (3:16PM)**

_ Wednesday, September 12 (3:00PM): DADA Classroom _

It was a fairly agonizing double Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Remus had to ‘excuse’ himself for the second half, claiming he was feeling ill, and the new Professor didn’t seem very pleased. He was a large, sort of rude looking man; according to the rumors he used to work as an Unspeakable. James was fascinated at first, but Professor Plythe quickly shot down his questions about the work he did in the Department of Mysteries, and it all proved to be rather disappointing. The man was quite socially inept. After class however, the Professor asked the three of them to stay behind. When the rest of the class had left the room, he cleared his throat.

“Are you friends with Mr. Lupin?”

Sirius looked quickly at James and Peter before answering. “Yes.”

“You roommates?”

“Yes.”

Professor Plythe sucked at his teeth. “You know why he’s ill?”

Sirius had assumed Dumbledore told all of the teachers about Remus’ condition, but as Professor Plythe was new, he wasn’t so sure. 

“We know, yes,” said James slowly, looking as wary as Sirius felt. Professor Plythe nodded, deep in thought.

“So, have there been any...hitches? Has it all been fine? No...no issues?”

Sirius was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Peter shuffled his feet nervously. 

“No, none at all,” answered Sirius finally. The Professor just nodded again, and waved a hand at them, which they took as some kind of dismissal, and they left the classroom thoroughly confused.

**Full Moon: Friday, October 12 (3:08AM)**

_ Friday, October 12 (5:00PM): Hogsmeade _

“ _ Honeydukes!” _

James charged towards the candy shop as the boys made their way through Hogsmeade, marveling at the little shop window displays. Peter tripped up in his haste to shoulder his way into the shop. “They sell the  _ best _ chocolates, wait until you try them…”

“You okay?” Sirius turned to see Remus had stopped. He was looking towards the end of the street, and as Sirius followed his gaze he let out a low whistle.

“Wow, somehow looks more wretched from the outside,” stated Sirius, cocking his head to the side as he looked at the exterior of the abandoned house Remus used for his transformations. It sat at the top of the hill, stark against the cloudy sky. “Dumbledore couldn’t have spruced it up a bit for you?”

Remus snorted. “Would have loved me a good mansion…”

“Yeah, plant a little garden around, you can grow your begonias…”

“That place gives me the creeps,” came a voice from behind them. Lily Evans had joined them, her fiery red hair blowing about in the wind. “You know what the villagers are calling it?”

Sirius and Remus looked at her curiously, and she smirked.

“The Shrieking Shack. Nice name, huh? Apparently some horrible spirits have made it their home in the last few years.”

Sirius had to work very hard not to make a derisive noise. He met Remus’ gaze, and was pleasantly surprised to see a humorous glint in his friends’ eyes. Remus mouthed the word “ _ Shriek? _ ” incredulously and Sirius stifled a laugh. Lily looked between the two of them, confused.

“What? What’s so funny?”

**Full Moon: Saturday, November 10 (2:26PM)**

_ Saturday, November 10 (2:29PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“Merlin, I’m bored,” James groaned. He was sprawled upside down on an armchair, his face gradually getting redder. Peter chucked an empty candy wrapper at him.

“Moan somewhere else, I want to finish this essay.”

“Peter, no one cares about the history of wizards botching up animal transfigurations…”

“McGonagall would beg to differ,” Peter muttered, scratching away at his parchment. Sirius clicked his teeth.

“Bet Remus _ isn’t _ bored right about now.” 

James snorted. “You kidding? Did you see how torn up that place was? Course he’s bored.”

“Or frustrated,” said Peter, not looking up. “Being all cooped up in there, you know?”

“True. Can’t bite any humans.” James bared his teeth and growled. It was Sirius’ turn to chuck candy at his head but James rolled out of the way, laughing.

**Partial Eclipse: Monday, December 10 (1:34AM)**

_ Monday, December 10 (8:03AM): Great Hall _

“What? Get out of here.”

Regulus was sitting at the Gryffindor table, arms crossed, and obviously didn’t move when Sirius told him to shove it.

“I have a message from the parents.”

Sirius groaned. “Did they search my room again, because I swear to Merlin--”

“We’re spending the Holidays with our great-grandparents. I’ve been told to tell you that they don’t know you’re in Gryffindor and our parents have no intention of telling them. That includes the types of friends you have, the grades you’re getting, the detentions you receive, and how you mouth off mum and dad every chance you get. They expect a level of civility over the Holidays and are giving you time to prepare.”

“Then you can kindly tell the assholes that are our parents that I do not accept their invitation, and am going to stay here over the Holidays. Okay?”

Regulus smiled passive-aggressively. “They said that wasn’t an option.” 

“If I have to pretend to be someone I’m not, I’m not going,” retorted Sirius. He could feel the conversation getting out of hand; some students around them were staring. He knew Regulus would never yell though. Even at his young age, he was the exact opposite of Sirius; controlled, observant, articulate. He sounded so much like their mother sometimes.

“When are you going to grow up? Our parents aren’t the assholes,” said Regulus, straightening his appropriately green and silver tie. Sirius rolled his eyes at him, and shouldered past, suddenly not at all hungry. 

**Full Moon: Tuesday, January 8 (12:36AM)**

_ Wednesday, January 9 (10:12AM): DADA Classroom _

“Dark creatures,” began Professor Plythe flatly, “are classified through multiple tiers as designed by the Control and Regulation of Dangerous Creatures. They are classified as such, not necessarily by the danger they pose to wizard and muggle kind, but by the magic that manifested their existence. The easier a wizard can control this magic, the less dangerous the creature is considered and visa versa.”

The Professor scribbled some notes onto the blackboard. 

“Blood magic, soul magic, and celestial magic. All three kinds emanate a certain raw magic that can easily translate to dark magic. All three kinds have different tiers of controllability to a trained wizard. Each kind can manifest dark creatures. Two kinds together can manifest even more. What about all three magicks together?”

He looked expectantly around the room. Lily Evans cautiously raised her hand.

“They can manifest the most?”

“No. All three magicks together create only two dark creatures. You will cover them extensively in your NEWT Defense classes. For now, we will simply skim the surface. Can anyone guess the creatures to which I am referring?”

Sirius glanced at Remus’ empty seat. His friend had hoped to catch class but he must have fallen asleep along the way. It didn’t matter much; Sirius always made sure to have meticulous notes for him. 

“Werewolves and vampires,” Dorcas Meadowes said loudly from the front, having cheated a bit by grazing through her textbook. Professor Plythe nodded, and turned to continue teaching, but James threw up his hand.

“Is that purely coincidental? That the only known dark creatures that come from all three magicks include humans?”

“Very astute, Mr. Potter. It is not a coincidence. A long time ago, it’s well theorized that warlocks caused these maladies by accident, thus cursing wizardkind with these ailments for eternity.”

**Full Moon: Wednesday, February 6 (11:24PM)**

_ Wednesday, February 6 (11:19PM): Hogwarts corridors _

James walked so fast with excitement that he had to double back to Peter and Sirius, gesticulating fervently.

“Okay, but hear me out. Werewolves exist because of the unnatural alignment of the three raw magicks; celestial being the moon obviously, soul being why Remus is tired all the time--there is another presence constantly fighting to take over--and blood. Human blood. That’s what the werewolf craves so the curse can continue. Right? Those three magicks have to be at play for a werewolf to exist and be contagious. Right?”

“James, somehow I don’t think you just stumbled across some discovery in curing lycanthropy--”

“No!” James stopped in front of Sirius and Sirius nearly ran into him. “I’m saying,  _ what if we eliminated one of those elements?  _ So Remus is no longer contagious? _ ” _

Sirius had no idea what James was going on about. “What? Blow up the moon? I mean, I’d be all for it if--”

“No, you dolt,” said James, looking frustrated. He looked at Peter. “We don’t have the means to change the celestial aspect, and we can’t exactly get rid of anybody’s soul without asking for the help of a Dementor...but we could get rid of the human blood element…”

“Turn Remus into a vampire?” Peter’s eyebrow was cocked. James sighed dramatically, but Sirius knew he was loving the suspense.

“A werewolf wants human blood. What if we weren’t human?”

Sirius frowned.

“Look, we’re stupid, just tell us already.”

James splayed his hands wide.

“Animagi! Theoretically, we’d have animal blood right? Not human! And the fact we’d still have human souls doesn’t matter, if Plythe’s teachings are correct, because the soul element is already being used…”

**Full Moon: Friday, March 8 (10:02AM)**

_ Friday, March 8 (8:30AM): Great Hall _

Remus blew on his soup, but looked too queasy to actually take a sip. Juxtaposed across from him was James, still brimming with fervor ever since that fateful Defense class. 

“So? Does that sound plausible?”

Remus looked at him slowly. “I’m not letting you hang out with me while I’m dangerous.”

“But you wouldn’t  _ be _ dangerous if we were Animagi.”

“I’ll amend my statement. I’m not letting you hang out with me based on a theory.”

“But that theory will bug me for the rest of my life--”

“Too bad.” 

James huffed. “Aren’t you bored down there? People do dangerous things when they’re bored. We could help keep you company.”

Sirius snorted at the hypocrisy of the statement, but he had to admit, after several months of James’ incessant chattering, trips to the Restricted Section under the Invisibility Cloak to peruse advanced transfiguration textbooks, and asking carefully planned questions to Professor Plythe and Professor McGonagall the idea had gotten to his head. Despite their age, regardless whether they could actually become Animagi, James’ theory became more sound by the minute.

Remus set down his spoon. He searched James, his expression closed.

“Why does it feel like you aren’t really asking permission?”

**Full Moon: Saturday, April 6 (9:00PM)**

_ Sunday, April 7 (2:22AM): Restricted Section _

The Restricted Section was like a drug to Sirius and James; the first time they encountered it under James’ Cloak they were hooked and had to come back for more. There were entire sections for advanced transfiguration in which such books were lent only to NEWT students who had chosen relevant designated fields. There were still other books that had the Ministry seal; it was classified as a punishable offense if the seal was broken without Ministry approval. These books required a proctor to be perused. Using those might make the path to Animagi simpler, but even James wasn’t ready to figure out how to break those seals without being caught. 

They had an empty book of their own. Written with ink that would only show itself to he who wrote the note (Remus came up with that trick; rightfully paranoid their work would incriminate them), they scribbled as much information as they could find onto its pages. 

Sirius was scratching away when James looked up forlornly from the tome in front of him.

“This is going to take years,” he whispered. Sirius frowned, gazing at the pile of books teetering on the worktable.

“Remus is a werewolf forever, so it’s not like we have a time stamp on this.”

“True,” said James, recovering some of his fervor. “And we’ll all be friends forever, so…”

**Full Moon: Monday, May 6 (8:54AM)**

_ Monday, May 6 (9:10PM): Hogwarts Corridors _

Sirius chucked the notebook and invisibility cloak at Remus with a shout as he rounded the bend. Remus grabbed them with wide eyes, and stuffed them in his bag just as Mr. Filch came thumping around the corner.

“Turn out your bags, you filthy thieves!”

Remus shrunk back into the shadows, and Filch wheezed past him without noticing. James, Sirius, and Peter all stopped, supposedly defeated. Filch looked triumphant as he searched them. He discovered several textbooks (one of which was a Restricted Section book, but he wasn’t well enough aware of that), a myriad of crumpled pieces of paper, a cracked bottle of ink, and a couple small bottles of solution (which happened to be bases for the first round of potions needed for the Animagus process). He squinted at the bottles.

“What’re these?”

“Magical...potions,” said James. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Filch growled. “Or they could be stolen from the private storages of the Potions classroom. I’ll confiscate them shall I?”

Peter grimaced. “I wouldn’t, sir, James has…” he leaned closer to Mr. Filch so he could whisper, “...irritable bowels.”

James kicked Peter. Filch wrinkled his nose, still looking suspicious. Playing along, Sirius held out his hand.

“He’s pretty embarrassed about it, sir, you wouldn’t want him to have an accident would you? Because you’d have to be the one to clean it up.”

**Partial Eclipse: Tuesday, June 4 (10:09PM)**

_ Tuesday, June 4 (11:15AM): DADA Classroom _

It was the fifth time Professor Plythe had asked Remus to stay behind after class. Sirius, James, and Peter hung around anxiously at the door, waiting for him. It didn’t feel quite right. Remus never really disclosed what Plythe wanted from him the other four times, and had shot down their questions whenever they asked. He was doing well in class, so was it personal?

Remus finally opened the classroom door, looking a bit surprised they had all waited. 

“What did he want?” James asked immediately as they set off back to the dorms. “Why does he keep holding you back after class? It’s nothing bad is it?”

Remus frowned at him. “Plythe is still an Unspeakable, James. He never quit. He agreed to take this Defense position so that he could...research me.”

Sirius and his friend stopped dead. Sirius’ mouth dropped.

“ _ Research  _ you?”

Remus shrugged. “I agreed to it before the start of term. Lycanthropy is so under researched as it is, and if we ever want a cure or an aide to lessen the curse somehow, more research is needed. I was happy to participate.”

He looked at their askance faces and sighed. “He basically just interviews me, guys. He just asks me a lot of questions; he isn’t drugging me or whatever. We experimented with a few mild potions but nothing that would hurt me--” he added hurriedly, “--just for the sake of obtaining my memories or as potential painkillers.”

“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” asked Peter. 

“I wasn’t allowed to. But my part of the research is over now, so you can ask me what you want about it now.”

###  **Fourth Year (1974-1975)**

AN: The year in which a) Remus gets tortured by the moon (2 total eclipses, full moon on Halloween, and full moon on Sept 1 resulting in him needing to skip the train ride) and b) Sirius starts having  _ feelings  _ and c) some Snape bullying

**Full Moon: Sunday, September 1 (7:24PM)**

_ Sunday, September 1 (7:02PM): Shrieking Shack _

James, Sirius, and Peter sped down the tunnel, quickly becoming winded before reaching the old house.

“Remus! We’re here!” 

Remus appeared by the entrance to the tunnel, already wrapped in a blanket that was trailing on the floor behind him. He grinned brightly despite his disheveledness. Sirius suddenly felt oddly warm, and embarrassingly shy.

“Thank Merlin I got the times right,” said Peter, laughing through obvious relief. “We weren’t entirely sure when the full moon rose. This could’ve ended up really badly for us...”

“Aren’t you guys missing the feast?” 

James waved an impatient hand. “We wanted to see you first! Missed you on the train.”

He emptied his pockets of brightly colored candies and handed them to Remus, who had to quickly readjust his blanket to take them. “In case you get peckish,” he winked.

Remus looked at Sirius, who gave a sudden grimace-like smile, very aware he’d been unnaturally quiet. 

“You good? Glad to be away from your parents again?”

“Never better.”

**Full Moon: Tuesday, October 1 (10:37AM)**

_ Tuesday, October 1 (10:11AM): Hogwarts Corridors _

“I could’ve guessed of course,” said James with an exasperated sigh. “Snape and his stupid little book of spells he  _ apparently _ made up.”

“I don’t believe him,” agreed Peter. “Spells come and go, he could’ve read about them somewhere.”

“Exactly!” James pummeled the air. “If he can already make spells anyway, what use does he have taking Etymology?”

“Probably so he knows what the spells even do,” said Sirius. “We should steal that book from him. See what’s really in there.”

James’ eyes were bright. “It’d be really easy. He gets so invested in his homework I’m sure he’d never notice. We’ll have to catch him in the library…”

**Full Moon: Thursday, October 31 (1:18AM)**

_ Wednesday, October 30 (7:12PM): Hogwarts _

Remus had been fidgety all day. Sirius swore he just noticed these things; Remus was a friend and of course he’d be concerned, but Sirius knew he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to noticing Remus more than usual so far this year. And because he noticed Remus more than usual, he noticed how he fidgeted in his seat during class, how he tensed at every scrape of the Professor’s chalk on the blackboard, how he played with his food during breakfast, lunch, and dinner but barely ate. This wasn’t unusual behavior for Remus right before the full moon, but it was more intense.

“Full moons and Halloween just don’t mix well,” Remus admitted nervously as the four friends lounged in their bunks that evening. “I mean, it’s already a time for a lot of dark creatures to be out and about, and I’d be lying if dark magic wasn’t stronger and more virulent during this time, making  _ me _ stronger and more dangerous.”

_ Thursday, October 31 (3:03PM): Gryffindor Fourth Year Dorm Room _

He did seem different the next day. After returning from the Shack, much later than Sirius was anticipating, he immediately disappeared into the dorm room. A bit concerned, Sirius followed him. 

“I shouldn’t have left,” mumbled Remus, rubbing his forehead. “It’s too soon, I should’ve stayed longer.”

Sirius approached him. “Don’t really feel like yourself yet?”

Remus clasped his hands around the back of his neck, nearly doubled over. “I still feel a pull. Walking into that Common Room…” he gestured vaguely at the door, “that was a mistake. Being around all those people…”

Sirius smiled despite himself. “Why? Did you want to  _ bite _ us?”

“Stop,” snapped Remus. “You’re making it sound like it’s dirty or something. It isn’t funny.”

“It is kind of funny.”

“No, it isn’t.” Remus looked up at Sirius with an uncharacteristic curl to his lips. “Do you realize the level of control I need for a day like this? Dark magic is at its strongest and most volatile point, and I am a product of dark magic. It’s always there, Sirius. When I’m human, the control is instinctive. But at a time like this? It’s like I’m fighting for consciousness. I keep slipping.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Honestly,” Remus dug his knuckles into his eyes, “just keep talking. It grounds me.”

“Okay.” Sirius plopped down on the rug in front of his friend. “Um...did I ever tell you about that time I convinced Kreacher that mum had died?”

Remus groaned and fell back onto his bed.

**Full Moon: Friday, November 29 (3:14PM) : Total Lunar Eclipse**

_ Thursday, November 28 (7:12PM): Shrieking Shack _

With one final push, James, Sirius, and Peter heaved a huge cauldron into the Shack, and collapsed immediately from the exertion.

“Remus, if you break this cauldron, I will kill you,” panted James, pointing at it vaguely. After months of research, the friends had finally come to a starting point in the Animagus process. Sirius was jittery with nerves, even as he lay on the dirty floor of the Shack, winded.  _ It was actually happening. _

“I cannot believe you are actually going through with this,” said Remus, clambering out of the tunnel, sounding exasperated. “This is so illegal--”

“Yeah, we know,” said James from the floor, his eyes closed. Peter got up awkwardly, and picked up some books.

“If we want to finish the first half of the potion tonight, we need an hour and half exactly,” he stated.

“And that’s the first half of a potion to--?” Remus asked. Peter thumbed through a nicked copy of  _ Advanced Transfiguration _ . 

“So this is a potion that we have to take regularly during the entire process, however long that takes. It basically ‘readies’ the physical body for automorphic transfiguration...makes it less harsh and potentially dangerous as we work through the steps. It’ll be good to have to help heal if anything goes wrong.”

“Wish I could have something like that,” said Remus, pouting. “The moon’s killing me this year. It wouldn’t work mending werewolf transformations would it?”

Peter bit his lip. “Doubt it. Yours isn’t automorphic. We’re not dealing with curses here.”

“It was kind of a rhetorical question, Pete.”

**Full Moon: Sunday, December 29 (3:50AM)**

_ Sunday, December 29 (7:23PM): Grimmauld Place _

Sirius was lucky to get away. He knew the family dinner had gone south the moment his father had started talking about “Voldemort” again. There was talk among those on the Wizengamot about the need for reform in the wizarding community. The sanctity of magic was going awry. It was being sullied by an overgeneralization of magical beings; it needed to be cleansed. It was gibberish to Sirius’ ears. There was no such thing as pure magic; you either had it or you didn’t. No magic was more ‘pure’ than any other. But the argument of blood status always put Sirius’ rebuttals to shame, and he didn’t have the energy to have a go at his parents every time they opened the Daily Prophet to read the latest opinions on that creepy-looking wizards’ work.

What really made his stomach churn was how Regulus had this eerie glow in his eyes every time Voldemort was mentioned; how sickeningly curious he always was about what Voldemort was up to. No doubt he was being spoon fed by the other Slytherins while at school too. And no doubt other Slytherins wanted in on what his father was up to in the Wizengamot and if he had any ties to the ‘great’ wizard. It was times like these Sirius wished he was a Slytherin if only it meant keeping a better eye on his brother.

**Full Moon: Monday, January 27 (3:09PM)**

_ Monday, January 27 (8:30AM): Gryffindor Fourth Year Dorm Room _

“Do you guys have to dance by the light of the moon?” sniggered Remus as Sirius and the others got ready for class. “Do you have to perform a ritual where you have to slay the animal you will be transforming into and eat its heart?”

“Remus, you read too much warlock fiction,” said James concernedly. He packed his bag and grabbed his wand. 

“Honestly, the strangest part of it all is probably selling our souls to the ancient forest spirits,” said Sirius, grinning. “We don’t actually have to do anything. If they like us enough.” He winked, and Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Wait, don’t forget your daily,” he said suddenly, grabbing the readying potions from the bedside table. James rushed back in and downed his solution. 

“Thanks, Reme. That could have been a catastrophe...we would have had to start all over…”

**Full Moon: Wednesday, February 26 (1:14AM)**

_ Tuesday, February 25 (10:30PM): Gryffindor Fourth Year Dorm Room _

Peter was grinning ear to ear after he returned to the dorm room. James gasped and flew out of his bed, hands outstretched.

“Did you get it?  _ Do you have it?? _ ”

Peter held a small black journal above his head. “Welcome to the knowledge of all of Snape’s secrets.”

This was definitely cause for a break in Animagus research. The three friends huddled together and carefully opened the mess of pages held together in the broken spine with twine. Snape’s ridiculously miniscule handwriting covered each page, barely readable. Sirius noticed mostly Latin words, and maybe some kind of code language littering most pages. But what was very clear was that the majority of the pages were devoted to spell-making experiments, occasionally dotted with potion-making and notes from certain classes. 

“What’s this one?” James pointed at a blotchy Latin word at the top of a fold out page.   
“L-levicoupus?”

“Levicorpus, I think,” said Peter, squinting. James frowned.

“Levitate? Corpse? Living or dead? And why?”

Sirius took his wand out. “It probably won’t kill you, can I try it?”

“I don’t have a will,” said James, but he stood up anyway. Sirius studied the small picture of wand movement. It was the only picture not scratched out, so he hoped it was the right one.

“Levicorpus!”

With a shout, James turned head-over-heel, and dangled in the air like a rope had closed around his ankle.

**Full Moon: Thursday, March 27 (10:36AM)**

_ Thursday, March 27 (12:15PM): Hogwarts Corridors _

Snape picked himself off the floor, his normally white face flushed.

“What...where did you--” he spluttered as James and Sirius tried to contain their laughter.

“What? Where did we get the spell you mean?” chimed James raucously. “It’s always been around, Snivelly, we’re just reviving it. Pretty fun hex don’t you think?”

“ _ I invented--”  _ hissed Snape furiously, but Sirius cut him off. 

“That’s a bit pompous of you,” he said loudly, making sure the crowd watching them in the hall heard him. “What...are you going to tell us you  _ invented _ Scourgify too?”

“He’d never,” said James lightly. “Otherwise he’d have clean pants.”

Snape was livid; he hurled his textbooks at James, who produced a fast shield charm, and ran off. 

An hour later, James was still cackling about their encounter using Snape’s own apparent spell against him.

“Best birthday ever,” he sighed wistfully.

**Full Moon: Friday, April 25 (7:54PM)**

_ Friday, April 25 (7:30PM): Shrieking Shack _

“Okay.” James took a deep breath as he carefully placed an apple onto the floor of the Shack. “In order to make a transformation within ourselves, we need to first be able to cast standard transfiguration spells nonverbally.”

Sirius leaned close to the apple. “Wow, really going down to the fundamentals huh?”

James flicked his finger. “I know it seems pointless but yes. Also it isn’t pointless. We’ll do inanimate objects first then move to animate. And then work on superficial transfigurations on ourselves and move up from there.”

“I should have brought some homework,” Remus groaned from the corner. “Watching you guys stare at an apple like you’re constipated isn’t exactly how I want to spend my last moments.”

**Total Eclipse: Sunday, May 25 (5:48AM)**

_ Sunday, May 25 (5:10PM): Hogwarts Library _

Sirius looked at James seriously. “It said  _ Sectumsempra _ on it.”

James’ laughter died away, and he put down his spoon. “You found that in his spellbook?”

“No, I  _ watched _ him studying the properties of some spell called  _ Sectumsempra _ in Etymology class.”

“Sectum...sever, lacerate...sempra, always?”

“That’s a curse, James.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he invented it. Spells are never permanent. The use of the latin sempra makes it a curse.”

“So....” said James slowly, his eyes darkening, “Snape invented a curse. Why am I not surprised?”

###  **Fifth Year (1975-1976)**

AN: The year in which there are many more  _ feelings _ , and also the two obvious big plots #animagi and #the PRANK

**Full Moon: Saturday, September 20 (11:50AM)**

_ Saturday, September 20 (10:00AM): Shrieking Shack _

“Can you believe James has already landed himself in detention?” Remus laughed, as he started putting his belongings into the trunk. 

“Can you believe that Peter is having his  _ first _ detention?” replied Sirius, throwing his book bag down on the uneven wooden planks of the Shrieking Shack. Remus pulled his comfort blanket over his shoulders.

“How is he friends with us again?” 

“It’s his right of passage, he’s officially one of us now.”

Remus laughed again and plopped down next to Sirius, who had pulled several Restricted Section transfiguration textbooks out of his bag. Sirius could feel a radiating warmth from Remus, and he was suddenly uncomfortably reminded how close they were.

“I think they’d be pretty offended if you continued Animagus research without them,” Remus said in mock concern. Sirius flipped open  _ Homo Sapiens et Transverto. _

“If we want to get this done before we all graduate I think they’ll forgive me.”

Remus bent over the pages as he read, his lips forming that same quietly awed smile that Sirius liked so much.

“So next step is the Quiferus Potion?”

Sirius drew in a breath. “Yep. To know what animal we’re going to be.”

Remus looked at Sirius, his expression soft as Sirius met his eyes. It was strange, Sirius thought, considering he would be an uncontrollable monster in less than an hour. He didn’t sense any of that prelude in the moment. No shadow flit across Remus’ face, no shivers or spasms as his body anxiously anticipated excruciating pain. It was just him, relaxed and calm. Like the new moon,  _ human _ him.

“What do you think you’ll be?”

Sirius finally looked away. “Pretty convinced I’ll be a dragon.”

**Full Moon: Monday, October 20 (5:05AM)**

_ Sunday, October 19 (9:30PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

His Uncle Alphie was gay. Quite proudly gay, in fact, and regardless how Sirius’ parents felt about the matter, they kept it to themselves considering Alphie’s wealth and status in society. Maybe that’s why Sirius liked him so much. They were mutuals. Some subconscious part of him always knew that. 

Dorcas Meadowes announced she and Marlene McKinnon were dating a month ago. They’d since been targeted by a couple Ravenclaws for their sexuality but with the help of Lily Evans, it was quickly put to a stop. Sirius couldn’t help but notice that Lily standing up for her roommates garnered the interest of James; he was eyeing Lily with the same sort of fevered attentiveness he spent researching Animagi.

Sirius didn’t mind this. Everyone in the whole school knew James was wildly straight. But when he’d brush off girls clearly interested in getting to know him, those girls would round on Sirius instead; and that’s where Sirius started to have a bit of a problem. He’d never admitted to anyone he was gay; his best friend didn’t even know. But every time, James would start listing off characteristics and personalities of these fellow female students as if he was some sort of matchmaker. 

Sirius sighed a bit too loudly while immersed in his thoughts, and James looked up from his textbook, eyebrow raised.

“Excuse you?”

Sirius looked him in the eye. “You’re my best friend.”

James looked nonchalant. “Yeah I know.”

“Yeah, so...could you stop siccing girls on me? Because I’m pretty gay.”

James didn’t miss a beat. “So can I sic boys on you?”

Sirius chucked his quill at James.

**Total Lunar Eclipse: Tuesday, November 18 (10:24PM)**

_ Tuesday, November 18 (10:03PM): Hogwarts Grounds _

“That was better than I could have  _ ever _ imagined,” said James, grinning nostalgically as he, Sirius, and Peter tramped over the grounds back to the castle. “I am a  _ freaking stag! _ How many points on my antlers did I have? Six? Eight? It was a high number, and I was  _ huge! _ Merlin, that was amazing.”

Sirius had to admit it was. His hands were all tingly. “Just imagine what it’s gonna be like actually  _ being _ the animal though. That was just a projection from the Quiferus potion--” 

_ “I know!!” _

Peter rubbed his nose. “I mean, rats are really clever I suppose…”

“Being small is good, Pete,” brushed off James. “You could slip underneath doors, get into the bowels of the castle, sniff out Mrs. Norris…”

“...get eaten by Remus,” interjected Peter worriedly.

“Just climb up on my massive antlers,” smirked James, elbowing Peter. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Remus doesn’t look too happy about it,” continued Peter. “About the whole thing, really.”

“He’s just worried. Also it’s the total eclipse tonight, so I’m sure he feels worse than usual.”

Peter did not look comforted.

**Full Moon: Thursday, December 18 (8:39PM)**

_ Thursday, December 18 (3:02PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“Hey...Moony…”

Remus rolled his eyes, but didn’t tell off James for using his newly emerged nickname. 

“You...hang out with Evans a bit right?”

“Well...she is another Prefect.”

James tapped on the table, lost in thought.

“Have you ever asked her why she hangs out with Snivellus?”

Remus shut his textbook in frustration. “No, why don’t you ask her since you care so much?”

“I don’t care,” lied James. “She won’t talk to me anyway.”

“Maybe because you never act like yourself when you’re around her.”

James looked hurt. “I can’t help it if she blows me away.” He pouted over his homework, gazing wistfully at Lily on the other side of the room. “She hasn’t told me that she  _ doesn’t _ like me yet, so there’s hope right?”

“If that helps you sleep at night,” remarked Sirius, patting James on his messy-haired head. He caught Remus’ eyes, but his friend looked away quickly with a hint of embarrassment that made Sirius’ heart skip. 

**Full Moon: Saturday, January 17 (4:46AM)**

_ Friday, January 16 (9:01PM): Gryffindor Fifth Year Dorm Room _

James looked at Remus with an odd grin. 

“We’re gonna get this done, Reme. Next moon we’re gonna be there with you.”

Remus gave him an automatic smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You’ll have to tell me how it goes,” he said sadly. “I don’t remember anything when I’m a werewolf.”

“Really?” Peter asked. “It’s all one black out?”

Remus shrugged. “I sometimes remember emotions. Or smells. But never visual memories. It isn’t exactly me, is it? It’s the  _ other _ …” he struggled for a second, but trailed away and didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well if it goes well,” said Sirius slowly, “you’ll wake up and we’ll still be alive. So…”

“Werewolves don’t really kill,” snapped Remus. “We turn people. We make more werewolves. That’s the whole point. It’s pretty pathetic really.”

James scoffed. “I somehow don’t think  _ any _ part of transforming with a werewolf is going to be pathetic.”

**Full Moon: Sunday, February 15 (4:43PM)**

_ Sunday, February 15 (3:49PM): Shrieking Shack _

The very air was starting to get tense. It didn’t help that Remus looked utterly petrified and kept making stupid mistakes in their game, causing the board to blow up more times than he could count. Peter had crawled out from underneath the cabinet and transformed back into himself, after nearly half an hour of coaxing from James. He picked at his socks, uninterested in the game, but his eyes flicked over to Remus every couple of seconds, as if reminding himself Remus hadn’t actually started transforming yet. 

Sirius didn’t blame him; he was doing the same. He thought he’d be less nervous considering the many times the four of them played games and chatted before leaving Remus on his own in the months prior.

But of course, this time was different. This time they wouldn’t be leaving. The minutes would tick closer, then the seconds, and then Remus would change. He would writhe, and scream, and his skin would tear apart. His mind would be replaced by another. Sirius knew this of course, but he also knew textbook descriptions would never prepare him for what was coming.

_ Sunday, February 15 (4:14PM) _

It was after their tenth game that James finally called it quits out of frustration. He packed the board up with a snap.

“I thought it’d be more exciting than this,” he vented. Remus stared at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

James crossed his arms. “I just mean, we spent almost three years for this moment, and it just feels so…” he huffed dramatically, “...anticlimactic.”

“I didn’t ask for you to become an animagus,” said Remus heatedly as he tightened his blanket around him. “This is serious. We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“We’ll get ourselves to the tunnel if anything goes wrong,” said Peter, attempting to sound soothing but failing through his nervousness.

“This is stupid,” Remus muttered, burying his face into his blanket. “This is all just so stupid.”

_ Sunday, February 15 (4:35PM) _

Sirius felt short of breath; the anxiety and excitement of what was to come was overwhelming. He, James, and Peter had all practiced their transformations (to ease Remus’ mind) and now they were sitting opposite the room to Remus, who had stripped underneath his blanket and placed his clothes into the trunk in preparation. 

“I don’t want you to watch me,” he stated. “I’ll go upstairs. You stay down here by the tunnel entrance.”

A little part of Sirius felt disappointed, but he nodded in agreement. Remus’ eyes met his. They were a bit amber, Sirius noted, but not as drastic as he had assumed from the textbooks. The shadow was there though. Every few seconds it was as if a shutter closed behind Remus’ eyes, and whatever was looking out and boring into Sirius’ very soul was...predatory. Then the shutter would reopen and Remus would again be there. Sirius looked away, unable to keep away the nagging fear.

“And this is very important,” Remus continued, sounding more serious than ever. “If I show any interest, if I get too close...you need to run. Get yourself to the tunnel and don’t come back.”

_ Sunday, February 15 (4:43PM) _

The sounds were inhuman. They were beyond horrid. It didn’t help that Sirius’ dog form had such a heightened auditory sense. The noise grated at his ears torturously. He had been panting, partially out of nervousness, but also to keep himself from smelling in the sickening potpourri of sharp emotions permeating the house.

It wasn’t exactly fear. It was a lot of emotions. Sirius didn’t yet know what smells constituted what emotions. What he definitely recognized as fear came palpably from Peter, who was shaking under the cupboard in rat form. From Remus, he wasn’t sure. It started off as fear, and was quickly overcome with several other unrecognizable scents. Anger? Hunger? Desire? Was dominance an emotion? 

The screams were being replaced now. Rasping growls and thuds sounded from above them. It had only been half a minute perhaps, but it had felt like an eternity. Remus was gone.

_ Sunday, February 15 (4:45PM) _

Sirius’ breath stuck in his throat. It was one thing to look at pictures of werewolves, but it was quite another to see one in front of him in the flesh. It (He? Remus?) prowled at the top of the stairs, scraping at the floor with huge claws, eyes alert and wary to the apparent strangers below. Sirius instinctively backed up and flattened himself onto the hardwood floor, not wanting to cause any alarm. He didn’t dare look straight into its eyes. Sirius hoped desperately there weren’t any stray human scents still wafting around the house. He could see its monstrous shadow shifting on the ground as the werewolf lifted itself onto its hind legs. But it didn’t seem territorial. It seemed curious. 

Finally, the werewolf (Remus? Sirius struggled every time.) growled deep in its throat, and slunk away from the staircase, turning its attention to several of the boarded up windows, at which it began clawing restlessly. Sirius felt bile in the back of his canine mouth, and he glanced at James. The whites of his eyes were showing.

_ Sunday, February 15 (7:12PM) _

He’d seemed so intelligent. Sirius could see it in the werewolf’s eyes; an unnatural glimmer of cleverness. He supposed that was what made them so dangerous. They knew what they were doing; it wasn’t purely impulsive. But it was instinctual. The werewolf’s breathing was shallow as it continued to attempt to pry the wooden planks off of the upstairs window, beads of saliva dripping to the floor in its desperation. As the minutes persisted, it grew less calm, finally ripping at the walls with such force that its mouth bled. Peter had been right several years ago. It was acting like a caged animal; the initial exertions worn after years of fruitless attempts to break free. Now it was just pitiful. None of them had the bravery to try and stop it though, so they just watched helplessly from the bottom of the stairs.

_ Sunday, February 15 (10:15PM) _

It took much longer for Remus to transform back into himself. It was a clear battle; the werewolf didn’t want to give up, but it eventually grew too weak to hold on, and the creature shrunk reluctantly back into a more humanoid form. When Remus had transitioned back into himself again, he lay curled in a fetal position, fighting for consciousness. As the last spasms receded, Sirius, still in dog form, grabbed Remus’ blanket from the corner with his teeth, and awkwardly laid it over him. Remus groaned and tried to look at Sirius, but his exhaustion prevented any movement. Carefully, Sirius nudged up beside him, in what he hoped was a comforting position.

James transformed back into himself, his expression strange. 

“Well that was...unexpected. Spending the last six hours watching a werewolf gnaw on a plank of wood.” He sat down next to Remus and Sirius, his arms crossed around his legs.

“S’better than a person…” Remus muttered slowly. James sniffed, not really interested in a retort. Peter appeared behind him, shaking, and muttered something about the loo.

**Full Moon: Tuesday, March 16 (2:52AM)**

_ Monday, March 15 (4:10PM): Hogwarts Corridors _

Remus glared at James.

“What did you expect? I’m not around humans to bite so I’m sorry I wasn’t more interesting.”

James opened his mouth, then closed it again, struggling. 

“But it worked, didn’t it? You weren’t interested in us.”

Remus looked exasperated. “Yeah, I guess so. Good for you. You solved the mystery. You should be so proud.”

Sirius caught James’ eye and quickly shook his head. Remus clearly wasn’t finished.

“They always say how dangerous and horrible werewolves are when we’re really just pitiful, one-track-minded walking curses that have no other purpose except to create more werewolves. And then you’re surprised when all I do all night is try to escape because I smell humans in the distance and cannot get to them? What did you expect me to be like?”

He laughed at them, looking crazed. “You spent years becoming illegal Animagi to watch me claw at some windows. Well congratulations. I’m nothing but pathetic.”

He stalked past them, and Sirius and James didn’t follow.

**Full Moon: Wednesday, April 14 (11:48AM)**

_ Tuesday, April 13 (3:19PM): Hogwarts Courtyard _

“Three o’clock,” Sirius muttered, glancing to his right as they sat in the courtyard. James surreptitiously did the same. Snape was walking along the open corridor, hunched over from all of the books weighing down his bag. As they watched, the bag split at the seam like a slow motion film, and all of his textbooks toppled onto the cobblestone. Sirius burst out laughing; the bag breaking had been entirely unaided, and he honestly felt honored to have witnessed it. 

After a few seconds of watching him struggle with his books; his bag now useless despite the myriad of Reparo charms that had been keeping it together for who knows how long, Remus huffed, and stood up to help him. 

“Always the saint,” whispered James dryly, making no effort to follow. Snape saw Remus approaching, and glared at him. Remus smiled politely. 

“Have you tried the more advanced repairing charms? You can couple it with--”

“I don’t need help from a half breed,” snapped Snape. “If you knew anything about repair charms your robes would look less shabby.”

He levitated half of his books and stomped off, leaving a stunned and shaken Remus with the broken bag.

**Partial Eclipse: Thursday, May 13 (8:04PM)**

_ Thursday, May 13 (7:10PM): Whomping Willow _

Remus face blanched.

“What the hell is he doing?”

Sirius squinted underneath the Cloak. A scrawny shadow moved around the base of the Whomping Willow, and he suddenly recognized the shape to be Snape. He seemed to be rooting around as if he were looking for something. The Willow whipped about, but he kept away from its branches easily enough. Remus was breathing very hard, terrified.

“He’s trying to out me, he’s trying to prove he’s right…”

“I can hex him, get him to go back.”

James drew his wand, and started to uncover himself, but Remus violently shook his head. 

“No, go back to the castle. Get McGonagall. Or Slughorn, or any Head of House, get them to come here and get  _ rid  _ of him.”

James knew there was little time and he, Sirius, and Peter plowed back towards the castle. They threw off the Cloak and sprinted towards McGonagall’s office. By some miracle she was there. They could barely talk as they tumbled through the door.

“Remus--” James began. McGonagall stood up very suddenly, her wand out and she looked around as if Remus would come barreling through the door in werewolf form. James gasped for a second.

“He needs in--to the Willow--but--Snape’s in the way,” he said between breaths. 

“What do you mean he’s in the way?”

James made a movement motion with his hands. “Just--can you get rid of him? So Remus can get to the Shack?”

**Full Moon: Saturday, June 12 (4:14AM)**

_ Friday, June 11 (3:14PM): Potions OWL Exam _

The second the exam ended, Sirius, James, and Peter all bolted out of the Potions classroom, and shouldered their way into the bathroom. As they suspected, Remus was inside, frantically running water over his hands, his face wet with tears. Angry, red blisters covered his palms.

“Why on earth didn’t you say anything?” Sirius grabbed Remus’ wrists to examine the damage. Behind him, James told off a third year from entering, and slammed the wooden door shut. Peter put his weight on it.

“What the hell would I have said?” Remus said angrily. “There wasn’t any other choice. I had to handle the aconite. It was an ingredient!”

“Use dragon gloves or something! Merlin, Moony--”

“In front of Snape?” Remus shot back. “He was my partner for the practical exam, in case you forgot. That would be as good as proof to him.”

“So you had to act tough and get yourself injured? Snivellus is not worth that, and you know it.”

Remus pulled his wrists free from Sirius’ grip. “I have two years left, Pads. I can’t mess it up.”

His voice cracked and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. The welts on his palms looked worse than ever. James gnashed his teeth.

“ _ I’m going to kill Snape!” _

_ Friday, June 11 (6:20PM): Quidditch Pitch _

“Did I mention I’m going to kill Snape?” James spat, aggressively throwing a Quaffle ball at Sirius. Sirius punched it out of the way, pretending it was Snape’s head. The two of them were out on the Quidditch pitch, having just ushered Remus to the hospital wing for Madame Pomfrey to heal his blisters. Peter had stayed with Remus; his fear of heights preventing him from entering the Quidditch pitch.

“Don’t beat me to it,” said Sirius, running over to grab the Quaffle again. He didn’t want to fly. He needed the physical exertion of his feet pounding the ground. His heart was already beating harder than if he’d run a mile.

“It’s just…” James hit the ground with his Beater’s bat, “When have we  _ ever _ been  _ physically _ violent to Snivellus? Sure we say rude things, he says rude things back, we hex each other occasionally, but that’s petty stuff.”

“And since when was Moony supposed to be involved in our stupid Snape spats?” Sirius chucked the Quaffle towards James, who noticed just in time to send it sailing to the left. “He’s been nothing but decent with Snape.”

James’ face grew dark. “Snape’s trying to out him. That much is obvious.”

_ Friday, June 11 (8:29PM): Slytherin Common Room _

“Someone call Professor Slughorn, and  _ get him out of here! _ ” 

Sirius ignored the voices of alarm as he stood, chest heaving, in the middle of the Slytherin common room. He wasn’t entirely sure how he got there, but then he hadn’t been thinking straight for hours. Something to do with justice. Or revenge. Or hatred. His eyes bored into Snape’s.

“Don’t you dare bring Remus into this,” he snarled. “If you hate James and me so much,  _ fight us. _ ”

Snape prowled behind an armchair, gripping his wand by his side. “Are you so selfish as to think this has anything to do with you?  _ I’m _ looking out for the safety of this school--”

“Safety?” Sirius barked out a laugh. “You attack our best friend in the interest of safety?”

Snape locked his jaw. “I know he’s a werewolf.”

Sirius felt his heart skip painfully at the word. He tried to keep his expression controlled. He knew many other Slytherin eyes were glued to him. “You can’t go insulting --”

“I’ll have the proof. I’ll have it soon,” Snape continued, cutting Sirius short. His breathing was ragged with nervous excitement.

“For a lie that big?”

“What is this? What’s going on?” Professor Slughorn had arrived. Snape and Sirius ignored him.

“The school needs the truth.”

“Mr. Black, step away,” said Professor Slughorn sternly, moving between the two of them and grabbing Sirius’ wand hand. Suppressed rage clawed at Sirius’ skin, and he knew Snape was getting to him. He hated it.

“The truth? Is that what you really want?” Sirius wriggled out of Slughorn’s grip, his heart beating so rapidly he could see red. “Go hit the knot at the base of the whomping willow and you’ll get your fucking proof.” 

_ Friday, June 11 (9:30PM): Slughorn’s Office _

On any other day, Sirius wouldn’t care that he was put into detention. It was all a scam anyway; it never made him feel sorry for what he did or said, and just gave teachers an excuse to have an assistant for the evening. But as he sat down to grade a pile of first year term exams, beginning his all night detention (squeezed in just in time before everyone headed home for the summer holidays the next morning), his adrenaline began to wane and a nagging feeling of unease surfaced. 

He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. Snape got underneath his skin and there was nothing more humiliating. James never seemed to be phased when Snape went out of his way to be nasty, but Sirius couldn’t keep himself so calm. It was a weakness. He knew it, and worst of all, Snape knew it. He might as well have just admitted Remus was a werewolf in front of him.

Professor Slughorn dipped out of the classroom for a moment and Sirius pulled out the two-way hand mirror, whispering James’ name as he did so. It took a couple tries, but eventually James appeared on the other end. He looked confused and started to speak, but Sirius felt it best to get to the point and cut him off.

“James...I know Snivellus is pretty stupid, but he wouldn’t be stupid enough to, you know, follow the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack if he were to have figured out how to get past the Willow, would he?”

“He is pretty stupid,” agreed James. “He probably has a whole set of useless defense spells to use against Remus on the off chance he figures out how to get down there.”

A lump grew in Sirius’ throat, and he swallowed. “Right...well, I got really mad at him for hurting Remus obviously, and I may have told him how.”

“Say again?” James’ eyes were incredulous.

“He knows how to get down to Remus.”

James’ face grew white.

_ Saturday, June 12 (4:57AM): Slughorn's Office _

His unease was now panic. It was nearly five in the morning, he couldn’t get a hold of James again, he didn’t know where Snape was or what he was doing, and Slughorn appeared to be a night owl and wasn’t falling asleep at his desk like Sirius had expected him to.

Snape  _ wouldn’t _ be that stupid. He just wouldn’t. If he really thought Remus was a werewolf, he wouldn’t go down there on the  _ full moon. _ Even Sirius had to hand it to Snape that he at least had a brain. 

He felt sick. Was he worried for Snape? Or was he worried for Remus? Sirius harshly crossed out a section of a first year student’s exam. Was he actually worried for himself? He never thought what might happen as a result. A werewolf Snape. A dead Snape. A werewolf Snape and an expelled Remus. A dead Snape and an expelled Remus. Or a dead Remus. Or a soon to be dead Remus on trial.

Sirius’ chest constricted painfully. 

No. Snape wasn’t the stupid one.

There was a bang on the office door. Slughorn and Sirius both started as James flung it open. He looked disheveled, and his glasses were askew. He was out of breath, and after he took a moment, the look he gave Sirius was enough to make Sirius wish the earth would swallow him.

“Dumbledore wants you in his office,” James said stonily. 

“What happened?” Slughorn began, but James shook his head. 

“I’m not allowed to tell you, sir. We just need Sirius.”

_ Saturday, June 12 (5:40AM): Hogwarts Corridors _

“Sirius, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to--”

“ _ Of course he’d be stupid enough to! _ He had opened the bloody trap door to the shack by the time I caught up with him.”

James was walking very fast. Dumbledore had just released them back to their common rooms with a sharp warning to reconvene at his office after the full moon was over so Remus could learn first hand what had happened. The Headmaster had been quietly angry as he asked them to explain the events that transpired, but Snape had been livid, and annoyingly played the victim far too well. He made Sirius appear like a childish fool trying to steer the blame on Snape for forcing Remus to handle aconite earlier in the day. Dumbledore hadn’t taken it as an excuse.

“Well...nothing happened--”

“Nothing happened?” James rounded on Sirius. “No thanks to you, nothing happened.”

“But now Snape can’t tell anyone--”

“Would you stop?” said James angrily, his voice rising. “This isn’t about Snape! This is about Remus. He trusts you. He  _ trusts _ you with his secret, and you blew it. Okay? Literally twelve hours ago Remus was going on about how close we are to graduating and that he can’t mess it up and have his truth be spilled to the wrong people, and you go behind his back like that? What the  _ fuck _ is wrong with you?”

James pulled Sirius aside, and Sirius saw some fear in his eyes through the anger.

“Snape told me what it was he had aimed to do. Remember that  _ Sectumsempra _ curse? He  _ invented _ it to incriminate Remus. He meant to go down there, get close enough to make it seem like Remus attacked him, and put the curse on himself. It causes cursed gashes, not unlike claw marks. He was willing to hurt himself to expel Remus. That’s the kind of  _ fucked _ up person we’re dealing with here. And you gave him the fuel.”

###  **Sixth Year (1976-1977)**

AN: The year in which WOLFSTAR listen slow burns are pretty realistic and remus shows his #reckless side

**Full Moon: Wednesday, September 8 (12:52AM)**

_ Tuesday, September 7 (11:50PM): Hogwarts _

Remus, somehow, was never angry about what happened three months ago. It was dumbfounding really; Sirius had completely expected his friend to blow up in his face; to scream and cry about how foolish Sirius had been, how he had needlessly risked lives, how he  _ used _ Remus to get back on a grudge. James had. For Remus’ sake. And even when Remus hadn’t, Sirius suspected it was because he was in shock, or hadn’t fully processed what had happened. And then summer break began and Remus never had the opportunity to get angry.

Sirius wanted to write. He had wanted to put down on paper exactly why he did what he did; how awful he felt, and what a terrible friend he was...but he didn’t. Every day he expected a letter from Remus, but none ever came either. Whenever he talked with James through the mirror, James pushed him to apologize. Pushed him to take accountability. But Sirius felt immobilized; not because he was scared of being told off by Remus, but because he was scared that he didn’t feel like he deserved Remus’ anger. That what he did wasn’t exactly wrong; and that Snape was mostly to blame. It had been his choice to act, and he did, and  _ he _ was in the wrong.

When they arrived back at Hogwarts, Remus was perfectly normal. A bit more careful around Sirius, perhaps, but not unkind. It was all befuddling to James, of course, who argued quietly to Remus about it whenever he had the chance. But when the full moon arrived, Remus welcomed the three of them to join him, and Sirius went willingly.

**Full Moon: Friday, October 8 (4:55AM)**

_ Thursday, October 7 (10:00PM): Gryffindor Sixth Year Dorm Room _

Sirius sometimes wondered if he was just hoping it to be the case. That maybe in his hopes for Remus to be friendly, to forgive him, to move on, he was reading too much into Remus’ actions and expressions. He wanted to see that friendliness and that comfortableness. But he couldn’t deny that Remus was just  _ closer. _ Not only through friendship, but physically as well. Sirius couldn’t count the number of times Remus brushed against him as they walked along in the hallways, sat close enough that their knees were hitting under the Gryffindor table, or chose the couch in the Gryffindor common room that was only big enough for two. 

Sirius looked forward to it. He made no effort to prevent it. Sometimes James would, probably unintentionally but Remus would find a way around him eventually. But while Sirius looked forward to it, looked forward to the feelings that arose whenever it did happen, he also began to worry it would end. Remus hadn’t spoken about that night, that ‘Prank’ that Sirius pulled. Was he playing with Sirius just to hurt him in the end? That was a low blow, even for Remus. Sirius rolled over in his bed and tried not to think about it.    
  


**Penumbral Eclipse: Saturday, November 6 (11:01PM)**

_ Saturday, November 6 (10:40PM): Hogwarts Grounds _

The four friends tramped across the grounds towards the shack. As they reached the Willow, Remus slowed down.

“You two go ahead, we’ll catch up.”

James and Peter looked curiously at him, but disappeared into the tunnel regardless. When they had gone, Remus took a second as if preparing himself to finally speak his mind. Sirius felt a flood of relief; it was high time.

“It’s taken me a long time to know what to say, really,” Remus said quietly, not looking at Sirius. He studied the night sky for a while before speaking again.

“It’s taken me a long time because...I’m kind of glad it happened.”

Sirius felt winded. “So you were never mad?”

“I was for a short time,” Remus admitted, still looking up at the sky. “But then I realized that it’s a bit of an advantage, you know? For nearly a year Snape threatened to tell the school about me, and now he can’t. And not only can he not divulge my truth, he won’t be able to use it against me.”

He finally looked at Sirius, and his eyes were bright. Sirius saw the wolf’s shadow cross Remus’ face, but his friend didn’t flinch.

“It’s like a huge weight off of my shoulders. So I guess what I’m trying to say, is thank you.”

Sirius really didn’t know what to say. He never thought he deserved forgiveness from Remus much less gratefulness. But Remus was suddenly very close, and Sirius could feel his breath against his face, and saw Remus’ eyes gazing at his lips. Then he laughed quietly, dazedly, and turned towards the Willow.

**Full Moon: Monday, December 6 (6:14PM)**

_ Monday, December 6 (8:20PM): Shrieking Shack _

Sirius noticed there was a change with Moony. When Remus was a werewolf, he usually kept a distance from the other three. It had taken months for them to form a bond with him; most moons consisted of the same ritual in establishing the hierarchy of the group. Once everyone was comfortable with their place, some play fighting and jostling would occur, but it would never escalate. It grounded Moony and kept his mind occupied by something other than bending to the overwhelming desire to find and attack humans. Moony was also highly intelligent, when he was able keep his mind under control. On some nights James would leave their games out while they transformed; the sight of a dog and a werewolf attempting to play chess probably looked quite hilarious, but usually devolved into chess pieces being hurled across the room. Regardless, it was still a form of harmless enrichment.

This moon, however, Moony managed to unlock the trap door with his jaws, and was halfway down the tunnel mouth when James’ antlers caught his hindquarters and dragged him back into the shack. Unfortunately as a result, Moony was so wild with rage that for the rest of the night James and Sirius had to spend all of their energy in defense. It wasn’t until half an hour before the moon waned enough again that Moony dropped from exhaustion.

**Full Moon: Wednesday, January 5 (12:10AM)**

_ Wednesday, January 5 (12:06AM): Hogwarts Grounds _

“ _ Moony, come on! _ ”

Sirius heard fear in his voice; the full moon was minutes away and they hadn’t even reached the Whomping Willow. It took nearly fifteen minutes to make it through the tunnel, and he had a horrible feeling they weren’t going to make it. Remus wasn’t moving fast enough. He kept pausing, taking in his surroundings, despite his friends’ urges to keep going. Finally, James gripped Remus’ arm and tried to pull him along. Remus resisted violently.

“It doesn’t want me to, don’t make me,” he said, sounding wimpish. James stopped abruptly, staring aghast at Remus’ strange behavior. Sirius’ heart hammered in his chest and he glanced at the sky. The moon was huge and yellow, the maximum luminosity only moments away. 

“ _ I don’t want to,” _ repeated Remus, his voice rising. “I’ve been holed up for  _ years _ , I hate it in there, it’s cramped, it’s dark, it’s claustrophobic, I don’t want to anymore.”

“You don’t exactly have a choice,” began Peter. “Dumbledore--”

“We can stay in the Forbidden Forest, or on the grounds, I’m just so  _ sick--”  _ Remus’ words caught in his throat as his human consciousness was overshadowed. Peter immediately transformed, disappearing into the grass. James grappled with Remus for a moment, then realized the transformation had started and bolted backward, shifting into a deer almost simultaneously as Remus dropped to the ground, the werewolf tearing itself into being.

**Full Moon: Friday, February 4 (3:56AM)**

_ Thursday, February 3 (7:50PM): Great Hall _

“We’ll stay outside for this next one too right?”

Remus looked hopefully at his friends as they sat around the Gryffindor table eating dinner. He looked different; older maybe, more confident. Sirius would never have guessed Remus would cater to such recklessness knowing him several years ago; it was strange, but at the same time, wildly attractive.

“We’re rubbing off on him, Prongs,” he sighed, stabbing at his steak. Peter chittered. “You can’t be friends with the great Sirius and James without doing something incredibly stupid.”

“It  _ wasn’t _ incredibly stupid. We have no way of getting into the castle, and no one’s going to be out on the grounds--”

“It was kind of fun to run around for once,” admitted James, downing his pumpkin juice. “I’d be fine with it again, just maybe with a bit more warning this time, eh, Moony?”

Remus flicked his hair back with a fast smile. “Sorry about that. We could go well into the forest this time.”

“Aren’t there centaurs in there?” Peter asked. 

“Probably,” said Sirius, unperturbed. “We’ll stay away from them. It’ll be fine.”

He grinned at Remus, who returned his look unrestrainedly. He was right. There was a new confidence in Remus’ posture, a strength and a freedom he hadn’t exactly had before. Sirius had a strong urge to grab Remus’ shirt collar and snog him senseless, but he settled stuffing his mouth with turkey. He heard James snickering beside him.

“You guys are something else,” he stated, shaking his head. Sirius chewed faster.

**Full Moon: Saturday, March 5 (5:13PM)**

_ Saturday, March 5 (12:12PM): Gryffindor Sixth Year Dorm Room _

Sirius stared in shock at the huge black peacock quill twitching on the table.

“Wormy, what--?”

“Sorry, it was there, so I just took it…” Peter said, wringing his hands. “I figured we could strip it down so we’d know what charms it uses…”

“ _ This is ruddy brilliant _ ,” gasped James, who hadn’t said a word since Peter had stumbled back from Dumbledore’s office. “Pete, you saved us, like,  _ years _ , of work.”

“Okay, great, it’s just...we probably only have a couple hours with it, and I don’t know how to stop it from exactly--”

The quill leaped into the air and drove its tip into the wooden table, scratching a name onto the surface with glistening ink. The four friends stared at it. 

“It’s fine,” stammered Peter. “We can just add that name on the list when we’re done. It’ll be fine.”

“If....,” Remus squinted at the name, “Pamila Pearlsimmons never gets her Hogwarts letter, you’re to blame, Wormy.”

Peter’s eyebrows crossed. “Do you want to make this map or not? This is the best way to figure out how to get live, current names on the map.”

James picked the quill up gingerly. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

**Partial Eclipse: Monday, April 4 (4:08AM)**

_ Monday, April 4 (12:40AM): Hogwarts Corridors _

Remus was in a foul mood. James and Peter had both been caught by Flitwick out of the dorm past curfew, working on the map. Being out past curfew wouldn’t normally be such a big deal for older students, but milling around the entrance to the Ravenclaw tower, at the opposite end of the castle, muttering highly advanced charms at a piece of parchment, was too suspicious for the Head of House to ignore. He gave each of them detention for the evening picking wax off of the worktables in his classroom, and they still weren’t back when it came time for them to sneak off with Remus to transform.

“It’ll be fine,” said Sirius, attempting to sound soothing. “I can deal with you alone.”

“We’ll have to spend it at the Shack, won’t we?” Remus said angrily, walking too fast for Sirius, under the Cloak, to keep up.

“We don’t have to,” replied Sirius quickly. “We could check out the northeast side of the grounds, we haven’t been there yet.”

“I don’t think you could handle me alone.”

Sirius cursed as he tripped up underneath the Cloak, and he ripped it off of him, catching Remus by the arm.

“Try me. You love it out in the open. I’m not going to throw you back into the Shack just because James isn’t here.”

The corridor was very dark, but Sirius could see Remus’ eyes catch the light of the almost full moon as he stopped walking and turned to face him.

“I remembered last. I remembered it. The feeling of the air against my face. Running for miles…” He paused, his expression suddenly soft. “I remembered you. Something changed, like a sense of calm that allowed my mind to shift, just for a moment, back to myself. And...I don’t want to lose that. That’s why I’ve been so adamant about staying outside.”

Sirius felt a rush of warmth in his chest. “That’s amazing, Moony, that’s--”

But suddenly Remus was kissing him.

**Full Moon: Tuesday, May 3 (1:03PM)**

_ Monday, May 2 (6:00PM): Hogwarts _

Sirius could think of nothing else. Kissing Remus in that dark corridor last month was one of the most exciting things that had ever happened to him, really, and all he ever wanted to do was just do it again. And again. And Remus obliged. He was ardent at first, but nervous. Neither of them had kissed anyone before (although no one would believe it of Sirius; he always had a gaggle of girls batting eyes at him every way he turned), and they had to get past the awkwardness of getting used to each other’s mouths, and teeth, and tongues. Remus was exploratory, but not surprisingly, very uneasy about the prospect of biting. Sirius, embarrassingly, reminded himself of a dog sometimes, and had to ease up on the use of his tongue at times. Remus laughed about it afterwards, drying his jaw off with his sleeve, before moving in again with that same radiating warmth that made Sirius’ heart work overtime.

**Full Moon: Wednesday, June 1 (8:30PM)**

_ Wednesday, June 1 (12:01PM): Great Hall _

Regulus was once again, unacceptably, sitting at the Gryffindor table, flicking some dust off of his pristine robes.

“Death Eaters.” He ignored Sirius’ snickering over the ridiculous name. “Father is having several of Voldemort’s highest supporters to supper in a couple weeks. What better way to understand their views than to have them speak for themselves? These aren’t roundabout people, Sirius. They have distinctions. They have power. They can really do a force for good around here.”

“Would you stop talking and slither back to your own table?” Sirius said impatiently, slamming his utensils down. Regulus gazed passively at Sirius, and again, he was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt for allowing his anger to control his actions.

“You could learn a lot from them, Sirius. I don’t know if our pa will let you, but...it might be for the best if you at least hear what they have to say. It might change your mind on certain things.”

“I would rather eat toad stool for a year than ingest any of their twisted ideas.”

“Do you even have a single reason why you act so maliciously against this?” Regulus was starting to get miffed. Sirius rounded on him, just as Remus approached the table.

“Voldemort blackmails people into allegiance! He tortures others who don’t agree with him! He has no problem utilizing dark magic to seek his goals--what single reason could  _ you _ possibly have to think--”

“Hey, Sirius,” said Remus carefully, grabbing Sirius’ hand, and pulling him back down into his seat. “It isn’t worth it, you shouldn’t--”

“You’re a bloody idiot, Reg,” Sirius continued, but he sat down hard anyway. Regulus had gotten to his own feet too, but his eyebrows raised at the two of them. 

“You’re enough of a black sheep in the family. I think you enjoy it too much at this point.” Regulus said, malice in his voice. “But seriously...did you  _ have _ to go and make yourself gay too?”

###  **Seventh Year (1977-1978)**

AN: In which we have some Order mentions and some James/Lily and more Wolfstar of course

**Penumbral Eclipse: Tuesday, September 27 (8:17AM)**

_ Monday, September 26 (9:12PM): Gryffindor Seventh Year Dorm Room _

“No, it’d be good,” Sirius argued. “I can get all of my...pent up rage out.”

Remus’ arms were still crossed. “I just don’t want your emotions to cloud my own, you know? I could start getting aggressive.”

“ _ I need this, Moony _ .” Sirius hated to beg. “I just need to not be myself for a while. Forget about this.”

_ Forget about my horrible family. And their horrible beliefs. And their horrible manipulative-- _

“Fine,” said Remus with a sigh. Sirius’ mind quieted in triumph. Remus moved closer to Sirius and looked at him earnestly.

“Your parents are dicks.”

“You were always so eloquent with your words.”

“If you ever feel guilty for cutting them out of your life--”

Sirius brushed up against Remus lightheartedly, laughing quietly. “What’ll you do?”

“Well…” Remus smiled slightly, “nothing involving my lycanthropy but I’ll think of something.”

Sirius kissed him. 

**Full Moon: Wednesday, October 26 (11:35PM)**

_ Wednesday, October 26 (5:12PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“I think we’ve lost him forever,” bemoaned Peter, looking wistfully at James as he chatted animatedly with Lily across the Common Room. Sirius flicked his hair back, ignoring the sinking feeling that Peter may well be right.

“He loves being Prongs too much to stay away for long,” said Remus matter-of-factly. They watched James lean in to kiss Lily, and she gave him a playfully reproachful look while accepting his affection. Sirius felt an instinct to do the same with Remus, but the pang of seeing such an ease in public affection from James and Lily reminded him that it wasn’t so easy for him. One would think that the continuous battles surrounding blood status would be enough to leave homophobia at the doorstep, but alas. It was alive and full of vitriol in the wizarding world too.

“No one ever wants to date me,” said Peter sadly, turning back to his homework. Remus patted him on the back.

“Plenty of people don’t date while at Hogwarts. It isn’t a competition, Wormy.”

“Even  _ you _ managed to date someone,” continued Peter, sideying Sirius. Remus blinked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Peter turned pink. “I just mean...I dunno, never mind.”

**Full Moon: Friday, November 25 (7:31PM)**

_ Friday, November 25 (5:20PM): Shrieking Shack _

“Sorry, I’m sorry.”

Sirius and Remus had slipped away to the Shack to be alone together a little while before James and Peter arrived to transform. Lighthearted talking had turned into some lighthearted kissing, followed soon by somewhat awkward but curious fondling. They had never gotten much farther than that, although Sirius hoped they would soon, and he knew the desire was there for Remus too. That night though, he suspected Remus was just pretty tired; full moon in a few hours and all. But as Remus pulled away from Sirius’ lips, his expression was pained.

“Did I do something?” Sirius asked hurriedly. Remus didn’t say anything. He got up and went over to the chest and dug around for a second before pulling out his old comfort blanket. It was like a blow to Sirius’ stomach seeing the blanket reemerge. It’d been nearly two years since he’d used it.

Remus curled up underneath it, a distance from Sirius. His pained expression had given way to a look of defeat and dejection. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, Pads.”

“That’s fine,” said Sirius a little too quickly. “We’ve got plenty of time.”

But Remus was only half listening, laying his cheek on his knees and looking away from Sirius, his mind far away. Sirius sat up awkwardly, unsure if he should comfort Remus or stay where he was. But in the moments where he struggled to decide, he began to hear the distant sounds of the other two Marauders making their way up the tunnel.

**Full Moon: Sunday, December 25 (12:49AM)**

_ Sunday, December 25 (12:46AM): James’ House _

James, Sirius, and Peter huddled around the two-way hand mirror in James’ bedroom, all sporting obnoxious Christmas pj’s courtesy of James’ father. In the mirror was Remus’ pale face, illuminated by his wandlight as he sat in the darkness of his parent’s cellar.

“Anyway,” Sirius dipped out of Remus’ line of sight to gnaw on some post-Firewhisky chocolate, “wish your parents could conveniently find a way to go hang out with some friends or something so we could Apparate over to you.”

“We all definitely wouldn’t fit in here.” Remus looked around miserably. “ _ I  _ barely fit anymore.”

James snorted. “Who said we’d be staying in the cellar?”

“Hey, now,” warned Remus, but he was smiling. “Also, Sirius, I can still see you.”

Sirius faked embarrassment before cracking apart a large piece of chocolate in front of the mirror. Flakes fell onto the surface.

“Didn’t want to hurt your feelings, Moony.”

“You’re eating  _ my _ Christmas present.”

“Lily didn’t know you were allergic. We can’t let it go to waste.”

“Fuck you, Pads.”

Sirius began a sly retort but suddenly a hard shadow passed over Remus’ face as his consciousness slipped. The mirror on his end clattered onto the ground.

“Cut the connection, cut it!” Hurriedly, Peter waved his hand just as the screams began and the mirror went blank.

**Full Moon: Tuesday, January 24 (7:55AM)**

_ Tuesday, January 24 (9:02PM): Dumbledore’s Office _

The Headmaster clasped his hands together, pondering the four of them.

“Your stance on Lord Voldemort’s aims has not gone unnoticed,” he continued, looking directly at Sirius, who sat up in his chair. “Can I assume your friends believe the same?”

“Yes,” said James strongly. “Headmaster, what--?”

Dumbledore stood up, adjusting his half moon spectacles carefully and thoughtfully.

“There is an organization called the Order of the Phoenix. I am at its head. The aim of the Order is to push back against Lord Voldemort and his plans, and dismantle them before they reach fruition. His power is growing, and it is only a matter of time before he will strike the wizarding community. I do not say this to be frightening…” he looked at Sirius and his friends with a comforting smile, “...but as one who is aware of the reality of this kind of radical formation.”

There was a strange sadness in his normally twinkling eyes, and he stood in silence for a moment before continuing. “You four are, without a doubt, some of the most magically gifted students at this school, not only in defense, but in all other elements as well. If I can, in any way, persuade you to join the Order after graduation, we can put your talents to use in this fight against Voldemort.”

**Full Moon: Thursday, February 23 (1:26AM)**

_ Thursday, February 23 (1:10PM): DADA Class _

“That’s incorrect, Professor.”

Professor Spimbly blinked.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lupin?”

Sirius threw a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. Remus smiled politely, ignoring him.

“The moon only reaches full luminosity on the total eclipse. The celestial phenomenon allows for this based on the angle of the sun and earth. Of course, by luminosity I’m not suggesting the moon looks at its brightest. What I mean is that you see one hundred percent of the earth-facing side of the moon. On any other full moon, there is always some percentage of umbra. But we still call it a ‘full moon’ because it is at the fullest luminosity it will reach before waning. A transformation can still be triggered at ninety-six percent luminosity, for example. So, it is incorrect to say that a werewolf can only transform when the moon is ‘completely’ full.”

James was staring forwards with second-hand embarrassment; he was just as startled as Sirius over Remus’ sudden escapade into the technicalities of lycanthropy that could never be surpassed by anyone who wasn’t one. It felt to Sirius that Remus had just given up caring about whether anyone figured out the truth about him. He looked sideways at his boyfriend, sitting up tall with a playful smile about his lips, very aware that one wrong accusation would give away his truth, but running with it anyway. That attractive heedlessness made Sirius grow warm and he had to shift a bit in his seat.

The Professor looked uncomfortable.

“Right, well, Mr. Lupin, I’m not sure how relevant--”

“This is a NEWT level class,” interrupted Remus. “I feel, if we are going to be talking extensively about werewolf defense, these technicalities are absolutely relevant. It helps to understand the length of time a werewolf is transformed, for example. We all know, based on a lunar chart, when they transform. But who here can accurately predict when they turn back into a human?” 

**Total Eclipse: Friday, March 24 (6:19PM)**

_ Saturday, March 25 (2:02AM): Shrieking Shack _

It had been a really close one. It wasn’t the first time Moony had picked up a human scent and had started to trail it, but it was the first time he’d gone full pelt towards a group of people drunkenly making their way home from the Three Broomsticks. Usually Sirius and James could disinterest him from the scents, but perhaps it was because of the total eclipse, or their lack of vigilance that allowed him to get so close. He didn’t catch them, thank Merlin. And they were too drunk to notice or really care about the strange sight of a deer, a dog, and a rat struggling to keep a werewolf from attacking them.

Afterwards, they were all too exhausted to tramp back to the castle, and conjured a couple beds into the Shack. James and Peter were asleep immediately. Barely able to move, Remus curled up on one of the beds, and carefully, Sirius joined him. He could feel the heavy pull of sleep cloud his mind instantly, but as he began to drift off, Remus shifted so that he was facing Sirius. He was still breathing irregularly from his transformation, and shivered despite the blankets.

“It’s because of nights like this,” he whispered hoarsely. Sirius looked at him curiously. “I can’t distinguish between the two.”

“Distinguish between what?”

Remus struggled for a minute, the exhaustion overpowering. “That overwhelming, uncontrollable desire to bite humans. Against the human desire for sex. I can’t tell the difference.”

His brow furrowed, and he looked embarrassed. “I  _ know _ there’s a difference. In my rational mind, I know...but...it feels so similar. It’s a stupid reason, but it’s my reason.”

Nonplussed, Sirius burrowed his head into Remus’ shoulder. He could feel Remus recoil confusedly. 

“I don’t  _ want _ it to feel the same, Pads. I don’t want to feel like I’m...violating you in some way.”

“Look,” Sirius looked Remus straight in the eyes, “Unless you sprout werewolf teeth and bite me in the neck like some sort of vampire, you’re not going to be violating me ‘in some way’. Okay?”

Remus didn’t look very comforted. 

**Full Moon: Sunday, April 23 (4:10AM)**

_ Saturday, April 22 (10:30PM): Gryffindor Common Room _

“How long do you reckon we’ve got?” Sirius planted the question out of the blue that evening, but he had been thinking over it for a while, and he knew the others were too. He didn’t need to explain what he was talking about. James’ face darkened.

“I’ll give it...two years.”

Sirius looked at Peter. His friend pondered.

“I don’t think there will be a war.”

“Voldemort’s been raising followers for years, there are thousands, Wormy,” said Sirius incredulously. “He doesn’t just want to reform blood status, he wants to throw Muggleborns into concentration camps and overtake Muggle society. There’s absolutely going to be a war.”

Peter shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. Not your version of a war anyway. I think it’s going to be much more subtle. Like an infiltration of thoughts over generations. Voldemort is just piggybacking the minds of other wizards from the past with the same ideas. And while those wizards ‘lost’, their ideas remain, and that’s what does the most damage.”

“Do you want to be in the Order or not, Wormy, jeez,” scoffed James, snapping his textbook closed. Peter went pink.

“Of course I do,” he stammered. “I just don’t think it’s going to be all as heroic and battle heavy as you all seem to idolize.”

**Full Moon: Monday, May 22 (1:16PM)**

_ Sunday, May 21 (7:13PM): Great Hall _

All of the Marauders were in a strange state of mind that night. A number of hopeful seventh years had wondered if they were going to throw a graduation party after exams in the coming weeks, but James, and certainly Sirius, felt like their spark had gone out. It hadn’t occurred to them to even put one together, and now it felt too late. Even Peter was getting annoyed.

“They expect that from us, guys,” he urged. “We’re the life and soul of this place, and regardless what’s going on outside these walls, people need a break from all that you know?”

James sighed heavily as he steered his food around his plate. “I just don’t see enough of a point, Wormy. We’re adults, we can’t hide behind liquor anymore.”

Peter looked offended but didn’t rebuttal. 

“Someone else will throw a party,” said Sirius. “You can go to it if you want.”

“That’s not…” Peter huffed. “...not what I meant.”

The three sat in silence for a while. Finally, James put down his fork.

“When did we get so boring?”

_ Sunday, May 21 (8:00PM): Hogwarts Corridors _

“When the Map was confiscated?”

James waved a hand. “We’d outlived the usefulness of that thing anyway.”

Peter thought a moment as the three of them made their way back to the Gryffindor Tower.

“When we heard about the Order of the Phoenix, and Dumbledore said we could only join if we graduated with exemplary honors?”

“He just said that so we wouldn’t lose focus,” Sirius reminded Peter. “We’re already basically members. They need all the help they can get.”

Peter was going to mention another possible time they had officially become ‘boring adults’, but the three of them turned a corner and saw Remus and Lily. They had been talking quietly, but quickly looked up as the three approached. Remus wiped tears off of his face.

“Do I have to cuss out my girlfriend?” James asked slowly. “Did she say something mean?”

Lily punched James’ arm. Remus shook his head definitively.

“Not at all. Quite the opposite, really.”

James clearly wanted to know what was going on, but Lily straightened his head boy badge with a small smile, indicating that the curiosity needed to end.

“Been to dinner? I’m starving.”

_ Sunday, May 21 (11:18PM): Gryffindor Seventh Year Dorm _

Remus had already gone to bed, and Sirius knew he had to as well. After quite a bit of arguing, Sirius had won out on skipping class the next day so he could be with Remus when he turned. It really sucked, not being able to have all of them have one last jaunt with Moony, but again...they’d turned into  _ adults _ , with responsibilities and NEWTS coming up...and no more detentions left in their books to stave off suspension. He could tell Remus was cut up about it, as he should be. He had said it, time and again, that being around his friends kept a semblance of his sanity. It meant so much to Sirius to hear that. And their futures surrounding spending full moons with him were so uncertain after graduation. After all, a war was looming.

“Pads?”

Sirius jumped, realizing suddenly he had been standing awkwardly in the middle of the dorm room, lost in his thoughts. Remus was peering around his curtain groggily.

“What’s up?”

“Can I?” Sirius nodded towards Remus’ bed and Remus obliged, making him some space.

_ Sunday, May 21 (11:20PM): Gryffindor Seventh Year Dorm _

“You know you can talk to us if you’re worried...about stuff,” Sirius said, looking earnestly into Remus’ face, inches from his own.

“I know,” sighed Remus. “But Lily asked...and I guess everything was bottled up for too long, and so I just sort of spilled it all out. I couldn’t stop myself. We’re graduating soon and I just know I’m going to have so much trouble holding down a job.”

“But she doesn’t know you’re--”

“She knows.”

Sirius pushed himself up onto his elbows to stare at Remus. “We never told her.”

“I know,” said Remus, laughing. “She said she’d known a long time. She just didn’t say anything because...she trusted me.”

Sirius flopped his head back down on the pillow. “Huh. Well, you were never a good liar.”

“Anyway,” continued Remus, shifting his position slightly so he was gazing up at the canopy. “It isn’t going to be the same for me. After we graduate. I’ve been so sheltered here. You’ve read the legislation that exists about my kind. I’ll be facing perfectly legal discrimination everywhere I go. I won’t be protected. I’ll lose every job I land.”

Sirius moved closer, his head against Remus’.

“Go into magical law, and change it.”

“I don’t have that kind of guts.”

“Find someone who does, befriend them and manipulate them into changing the laws.”

“You know,” said Remus wryly, “I kind of liked it better when Lily just let me cry on her shoulder.”

_ Monday, May 22 (12:00PM) _

Remus was very quiet as he and Sirius walked out onto the grounds. One last romp around the castle as animals just didn’t have the same luster without the full might of the Marauders. 

“What d’you reckon Dumbledore’s going to have us do in the Order?” Sirius asked, attempting conversation. Remus sighed.

“Something dull, probably. We don’t have any skills to actually help much.”

“That’s bull, he approached us because we’re the smartest in the school--”

“--and half of what we did that holds any merit was illegal,” argued Remus, throwing Sirius a look. “It’d probably be hugely helpful to be an Animagus in the Order, but you can’t tell him that so it’s useless.”

Sirius tramped along, heading towards the Forest. “Do you think he’d get mad if we told him?”

Remus stopped. “You’re  _ not _ telling him.”

Sirius raised his hands in surrender.

_ Monday, May 22 (1:12PM) _

The Forest was darker than Sirius remembered last. There were rumors by the nutters taking Divination and Astrology that said the Forest was one of the sources of magic on earth, and that it was extra sensitive to magical goings-on. Now that a war was looming, it seemed to get darker and more dangerous by the day. Sirius pulled his robes closer about him, seeing his breath from an unnatural cold. Remus looked around the dense trees.

“I don’t think we’re alone, Pads…”

Sirius carefully took his wand out, praying they weren’t about to be ambushed by a herd of centaurs, but he couldn’t hear hoofbeats. Some crashing of twigs and underbrush sounded behind him, and he whirled around.

James and Peter appeared, out of breath, but beaming. James had his wand out, the  _ Homenum Revelio _ spell shining a dull red around Sirius and their figures.

“Listen, this moon’s the last one before we’re out of here,” panted James with a shrug, his eyes bright as he looked at Remus. “Screw classes. We just couldn’t bring ourselves to miss this.”

Remus’ eyes brimmed with tears, a true happiness passing over his face just as the first spasms of transformation began.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end you're amazing and I hope you take the time to comment and let me know what you thought of all my headcanons lol.  
> Thank you!


End file.
